it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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