Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
