i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
