me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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