I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
