I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's rum buckets o'clock
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
