Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
