I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
