yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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