We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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