In the future we'll all be gay
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My vagina just clenched in fear
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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