...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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