3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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