Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
