Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
