When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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