i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
