the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
