I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
