Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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