Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
