Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
