I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
