I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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