i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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