Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
