its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
