bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
