I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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