Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
