if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
