You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
