i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
