My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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