During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
