Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
