Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
