i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
