You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
PANTIES FOUND
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
