Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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