Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
