i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm having to shit out rocks
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
