garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
