just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We got so high we made milksteak
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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