i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
