some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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