Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
