get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
