The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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