she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I will pee on everything he values.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Help. Why am I so naked?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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