Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
