You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
