I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
