she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I am one with the molecules
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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