I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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